please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
pray to the hookup gods
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
