They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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