Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
