I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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