okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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