either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
