just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
