I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
