The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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