Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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