thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
