Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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