YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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