Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
