Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
