I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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