If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
