Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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