So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
