You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
