he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
