Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
