You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
