sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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