i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
