He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
