All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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