i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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