it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
