Pants 0. Shit 1.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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