We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He? As in you personified your dick?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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