god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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