my vag is so smooth its legendary
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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