I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
