there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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