I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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