He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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