go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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