and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
