first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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