Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
