I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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