is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
