Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
