I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
