I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
