I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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