What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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