maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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