I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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