I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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