Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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