I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We had to coat check the pizza.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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