I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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