pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Holy shit dude........stairs
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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